Faking Daily Bureau/Bangalore: Citizens across India woke up to an unprecedented cosmic event on the night of 15 September when the nation’s most beloved piece of digital infrastructure—the Income Tax e-filing portal—mysteriously transformed into a meditation app. Instead of balance sheets and Form 16 uploads, taxpayers were greeted with the portal’s new message: “Error 500. Breathe in, breathe out, accept your karma.”
The government had gallantly extended the ITR filing deadline to 16 September. Unfortunately, insiders claim the portal had already checked out on 15 September, fainting dramatically like a Bollywood heroine in slow motion. Servers reportedly screamed “Arre bas karo, aur nahi hoga!” before collapsing into a heap of digital dust. IT engineers have confirmed that the portal now runs only on divine intervention and occasional coconut offerings.
Chartered accountants across Delhi, Mumbai, and Bengaluru narrated horror stories of clients screaming at midnight while trying to upload PDFs heavier than a South Indian thali. “It was like playing Candy Crush with taxes,” one exhausted CA told FD Staff, sipping his ninth cutting chai. “Every time I clicked submit, the portal said try again in 2035. Honestly, it might not be wrong.”
From Numbers to Nirvana
On normal days, the tax portal is famous for its user-friendly philosophy: it never works. But on the deadline eve, the portal achieved what government infrastructure rarely does—it united the country. Citizens from Kashmir to Kanyakumari joined together in collective suffering, tweeting memes of servers melting like Amul butter on parathas.
The Finance Ministry proudly announced the extension until 16 September, confident that 24 extra hours would save the nation. However, FD Staff can exclusively reveal that the servers were already on sick leave. “We sent them to Manali for stress relief,” admitted one unnamed official. “They’ve been working nonstop since demonetisation, poor fellows.”
According to sources, the IT portal’s codebase is held together by cellotape, chewing gum, and one overworked intern named Raju who has been “optimising backend structures” from a cyber café in Ghaziabad. Raju reportedly texted his manager on 15 September night: “Bhai, server gayab. Main toh shaadi attend karne gaya tha.”
The Great Queue of 2035
Experts are already predicting that at the current pace of server collapses, the deadline for FY24–25 filings will be officially extended to the year 2035 AD. By then, taxpayers may be paying GST on Mars, while Indian citizens on Earth will still be trying to log in with their Aadhaar OTP.
The Central Board of Direct Taxes has denied rumours of a 2035 extension. “We have robust systems in place,” said one stern-looking spokesperson, before the microphone crackled, the projector screen froze, and the press conference had to be moved to WhatsApp voice notes.
Some taxpayers have already adapted to the situation. A Bengaluru start-up has launched a new service where actors dressed as tax officers show up at your door, collect your return in person, and then reassure you with a hug. “It’s much more efficient than the portal,” claimed the founder, who raised $10 million in seed funding within six hours.
Citizens Seek Divine Filing
With no hope from servers, citizens turned to divine alternatives. In Varanasi, priests performed a special yajna for smooth ITR filing, chanting mantras while refreshing the portal. In Kerala, a temple offered a new prasad: a neatly bound ITR form blessed by the deity. And in Gurugram, residents prayed not for health or wealth but for a stable OTP message from the government gateway.
Meanwhile, one IT employee in Pune tried a jugaad fix by restarting the router and sprinkling Gangajal on the server racks. “It worked for five seconds,” he admitted. “Then the entire system displayed Jai Mata Di. At least it was patriotic.”
The Portal That Loved Drama
The IT portal’s talent for melodrama has made it the Shah Rukh Khan of government websites. It doesn’t just fail quietly; it fails with style. On the 15th, it provided users with a variety of creative error messages:
Error 404: Form not found, but here’s a quote from Kabir Das.
Error 503: Our server is practising yoga, please try after Suryanamaskar.
Error Infinity: Filing taxes is maya, liberation lies beyond returns.
Social media erupted with hashtags like #ITRDeadlineMoksha and #ServerKiShaadiKabHai. One user even claimed to have spotted a server engineer applying haldi on the mainframe to prevent “nazar lagna.”
Panic at the Chartered Accountants’ Offices
If taxpayers were stressed, chartered accountants resembled participants in a reality survival show. Offices reported scenes of utter chaos—clients screaming, staff printing forms on dot-matrix printers, and one accountant reportedly trying to bribe the server by offering a box of Haldiram’s rasgullas.
A Mumbai CA told FD Staff: “On 15th night, my entire office looked like Kurukshetra. Clients were on one side, the portal on the other, and we were stuck in between with calculators as our only weapons.”
Another accountant from Chennai confessed that his team had resorted to drawing ITR forms by hand and faxing them to the Finance Ministry. “At this point, they should just accept voice notes on WhatsApp,” he said. “At least those get delivered.”
Government’s Response
The Finance Ministry released a statement on the morning of 16 September claiming that the portal had been “experiencing heavy traffic due to enthusiastic taxpayer participation.” Citizens have suggested that the phrase “enthusiastic participation” actually means “everyone screaming at the same time.”
FD Staff asked a senior official whether servers would be upgraded. The official replied: “Of course. We are planning to purchase two new pendrives and one slightly used desktop from Nehru Place. This will double capacity.”
Meanwhile, opposition parties accused the government of deliberately crashing the portal to increase GST revenue on stress medicines. One leader demanded that future returns be filed directly on UPI, while another suggested sending ITRs by pigeon post.
Deadline Extension Olympics
Deadline extensions have now become a national sport. “We look forward to this festival every year,” said a taxpayer from Lucknow. “Ganesh Chaturthi, Diwali, Holi, and ITR Extension Day. It’s part of our culture.”
Economists are unsure whether the extension helps the economy or just gives Netflix more viewers. “People spend the 15th night staring at a loading screen, then the 16th complaining to their CA. Productivity is lost, but meme GDP goes up,” explained one analyst.
What Lies Ahead
By the end of 16 September, the portal had stabilised temporarily after IT engineers put it in “safe mode.” This involved unplugging the servers for 30 seconds and then plugging them back in while chanting Om Namah Shivaya.