Yoga Session Throws Cold Water on Emergency Response

Dilli- In a development that would leave even the most stoic fire marshal sputtering into their chai, the Dilli Fire Brigade found itself a little less fiery and a whole lot more flexible this afternoon. The brigade's illustrious Station 34, famed for their lightning-fast response times and their questionable mustache regulations, was left red-faced (though thankfully not smoke-stained) after an entire shift found themselves immobilized following a particularly vigorous yoga session.

Apparently, in an effort to promote "holistic fire preparedness" (whatever that means), Station 34' firefighting crew embarked on a mandatory pre-shift yoga session led by none other than Ms. Sunita "Stretch" Sharma, a visiting instructor with a penchant for headstands and questionable fire safety metaphors.

"We were working on our 'Downward-Facing Hydrant' pose, " explained a sheepish firefighter who wished to remain anonymous (possibly because he was still stuck halfway through a pretzel twist). "Ms. Sharma really emphasized the importance of core strength for, you know, battling infernos and such. "

Unfortunately, Ms. Sharma's core-centric routine seems to have backfired spectacularly. Multiple firefighters reported being stuck in various yoga poses, unable to respond to a rather pressing call about a** butter chicken gone rogue** at a nearby restaurant.

"It was chaos, " recounted an exasperated bystander who witnessed the firemen's predicament. "There they were, all twisted up like human pretzels, while flames were practically licking the windows of 'Butter Chicken Paradise. ' It wasn't exactly the intervention I was hoping for. "

The Dilli Fire Department, ever the picture of bureaucratic grace, has launched a full-scale investigation into the incident. Early reports suggest disciplinary action may be taken against Ms. Sharma, whose whereabouts are currently unknown (though rumors abound of a particularly enthusiastic "Scorpion Pose" gone wrong).

Meanwhile, Station 34 remains under observation. Firefighters have been spotted gingerly attempting to climb into their firetrucks, with varying degrees of success. Sources say morale is low, with whispers of revenge against Ms. Sharma and a desperate longing for a good, old-fashioned fire drill (minus the downward-facing anything).

This incident has sparked outrage from Dilli residents, many of whom expressed concern about the department's priorities. "Look, I appreciate the importance of flexibility, " said one disgruntled citizen, "but the last thing I need when my apartment's on fire is a bunch of firemen doing the freaking Happy Baby pose. "

In a related development, The National Association of Firefighters (NAF) has released a statement distancing itself from Ms. Sharma's unorthodox methods. "Firefighting is a serious business, " the statement declared. "While we recognize the importance of physical fitness, perhaps a good old-fashioned calisthenics routine would be more appropriate than attempting to contort oneself into a human backbend. "

One can only hope that Station 34 manages to loosen up (literally) and get back to saving the day, minus the downward-facing anything. In the meantime, Dilli residents are advised to invest in fire extinguishers and perhaps take a yoga class themselves. Who knows, maybe the "Warrior II" pose will come in handy next time the butter chicken decides to fight back.

DISCLAIMER: Everything you just read on is about as believable as a Bollywood dance number curing world hunger. We're in the business of making you chuckle, not tricking you (unless you think Shah Rukh Khan can actually defy gravity). If this tickled your funny bone a little less than a feather, well, darling, perhaps satire isn't your cup of chai. Now go forth and spread laughter, not fake news! - FD Staff